not again

she doesn’t knock. she never had to, you stopped locking the door for her a long time ago. by the time you notice her presence she's already inside, settling in and getting ready for dinner

the first thing she does is turn off the lights. she can't stand the window, neither the sun or the street or the sound of people outside. she pulls the curtains and fades into the darkness and silence. she hates it when you have company. your friends text and call, and she makes you leave them on read. she hates it when you talk, when you look at your phone, when you try to read, when you want anything that isn't her. so you lie there in the dark and without saying a word she tells you something, you’ve heard a hundred times before. and the worst part is, you let her. you turn into the pillow and do what she wants, because you learned a long time ago that fighting her only makes her stay longer. so you wait it out until she gets bored, she lets a little grey light back in through the curtain, and leaves without saying when she'll be back. just the pulse in your temple to say goodbye. you wish you could say she was a person. you call her the same thing you called her the first time she showed up and didn't leave. not again. still a name isn't it?

~ nazeef 10/13/2026